helloooo !! i dont anyone still reads this little page except perharps the boyfriend who pops by every now and then . so anway it year 2012 already, baby ended his national service last year and he's back working in the same ward as me.Till now , i dont know if its a good or not a good thing but so far everything's fine .anyhows work has been the same basically except being a staff nurse who has been working for nearly close to 3 years in the ward and department , people especally your superiors have higher expectations now .sometimes i feel i aint able to live up to their expectations especially when it comes to coaching and preceptoring the younger staff who just joined , recenetly there were a few incidents , cant help feeling bad but i know i did my best in teaching.

anyways spent christmas with the boy and countdown to the new year with the boy :) the only big thing i think that's gonna take place this year is gonna be our engagement and if everything goes as planned our wedding.people have been asking how come i wanna settle down so early, at 25 this year i dont think its early anymore cause the boy and i do have our own plans and all and questions like how i know warren's the one, i dont know but i just know he's the one . it's just that he's like a missing puzzel that fits so right in my life. even though we might fght and argue , but at the end he's still always there, no matter how bratty spoilt and it's gonna be my fault.Thank you baby for that.

anyway we are going taiwan in end may :) cant wait for our photoshoot which the boy spent a bomb but i know we are both looking forward to it ! and baby's new hobby beside's fishing is photography , which he has also spent quite a sum on :) lol wanna be arty farty boyfriend who sings randomly to korean bubblegum pop songs and snaps every single thing he finds interesting.

oh yes nearing cny , and i am like sick again. its like e phglem is stuck but just cant be expelled , sucky feeling :( got one day mc thankfully sister C asked me to rest at home cause my voice is horrible

till then :)

i feel damm irritated working these days its like 1 whole week of workload = 1 month or more of its workload :( can u believe it i have 10 patients who needs to be sponged and they only have like 1 staff nurse and 1 junior and no second senior on some days , the upper management must think we are robots man, and later blame on it for poor bad time management and not going for break. how to go for break you tell me , when that 1 hour of break i can do like some of my quota work . nursing is really crappy , doesnt help much when all they say is they understand and understand and i am not the only one feeling this way .on e other hand , relationship is crappy tooo , i have been feeling so dissapointed these days, like you made me look forward to e event and then you tell me its off and postphoned to a working day of mine , how would i feel. i dont care anymore luh . maybe i cant make you happy afterall.
 

on e verge of tears .why cant my bloody plans ever work out.

Have not really been updating this blog ,had the second worse argument with the boy ,its at times like this that i really wonder if we are meant to be .he being the mature one though i am older by a year but it seems his thinking is more far fetched than me .me being the youngest pampered n sheltered through my life ,but for him its different .the harder i try and the more i hope this will work out ,the more i see it telling me otherwise.

My dream has always been simple to hold a stable if not even better good paying job if nt find someone that loves me the way i love him settle down n be a good dutiful wife . .thats why i chose for to stay in nursing for 1) at least i will be getting a income earned by myself for our future. 2) ward 47 holds too much memories for me ,n i have very fun loving working environment. 3) i dont like having to start from the start again.

Last night talk with the boyfriend or rather my husband to be got me thinking ,what do we really want .somehow i got a feeling right now we are just waiting to see who's gonna ask to leave first .the irony of it is i know i dont wanna leave yet.i am gonna keep on trying .

Its been really long since i faced my pillow down n slept .

And to you ,i still love you though you i might think i am nt be the same special girl that u first set ur eyes and heart on 2 years n 19 days ago.

I am waiting for you at home now ,somehow ur pillow smells like my tears ,i dont know why .when ur upset i always wonder to myself have i gave my best to you have i made u happier or have i made u upset n dissapointed more otherwise .

We got different ideals ,

i woke up this morning feeling a happy girl cause i am gonna meet my darling laters for some retail therapy before she and my 2 other darlings at work dumps me alone at work for a week for their korea getaway :( sighs i am really praying that whole week at work will be goood if not i will cry and whine everyday to baby . hahahaas thats the bad thing about being my boyfriend :) lol but i know baby loves me all the same.

oh ya i realised i havent blogged about our KL getaway :) its our first getaway together since we got together and i really had lots of fun with him and his collegues :) KL was interesting , not that i have not been there before but its just different when your with your friends and all :) and what more this time with baby :) i shopped quite a little compared to baby , like what he said it was his shopping spreee :) but the bad thing was my poor boy fell sick right on the eve of our trip till the 2nd day :( sighs pooor boy and when i came back 2 weeks later , i fell sick , thats always the case , so wierd , the germs take 2 weeks to mutate in my body system :( argh.

came back , worked, has christmas off ,baby joined me and my family for christmas gala dinner at some church function. thank you baby.spent countdown together at kasier's hse , babysat 2 little adorable rascals ,fell asleep on baby's lap , got patted to sleep with lots of hugggs and kisses :)

we bought shorts, tees, polo tees, slippers , lots of shades, ate quite alot :)
thank you baby. my shopping trip and this trip was all possible because of you . i love you. next up ,our next trip , planning in progresss and of course our engagement and weddding :)

its approaching chinese new year, then valentine's day then our anniversary :) how fast time flies.

warren low , i still love you as much or even more than i first met you and decided to make u a part of my life, though we might fight alot and i will cry so much but still i am hanging on cause your special and worth it to me at the end of the day. i love you baby :) and dont worry abt work kay ,  will try not to think abt it . and of course i will stand by you no matter what happens.

it didnt use to be this way , what attracted me about us was the fact that we could talk about anything n everything under e sun . i really dont know what to do about us now, i dont want to bring my sadness to work and neither do i want to bring work's unhappiness and vent it on you. i am tired from a day's work yet have to face our day in day out or if better week in week out quarells and petty fights. since u dont want me to bother about whatever ur doing or what ur eating , then i wont anymore alright if that makes you happy.at times u really make me wonder am i really that bad of a girlfriend , i know though i might nt be pretty but at least whatever i did , i always tried to put you first , whatever u liked whatever u wanted i gave in to you , i guess u felt otherwise. i am really tired baby , i dont even know if you know i am crying or do you even care about the tears that your piggy cried for us.

every girl wants a memorable wedding , am i wrong to feel that way too. i remembered asking you this question if there;s one thing about me that you can be proud of , but you said nothing , that hurts the most to hear it from someone that i love so much. and remember this one insant when we fought so bad, you just ignored me when i walked away from you , or even sat on your bed crying. every single time we fight , that same image flashes in my mind. if one day your gonna fight with me and really leave me , what am i gonna do ,i always tell myself that wont happen , but still i am scared cause that same image has been appearing so often now that we fight so often .

i am sorry i cant be the girlfriend that you want. i am sorry if i dont love you enough ,i am sorry.

all i ever wanted was hear you say those three words , but it never came.

okays its the monday blues i swear, i just had a heated argument with my mummy and now i am feeling so horrible, sighs its just that she always asks things at the wrong time , like when i am eating breakfast and when i repeat myself twice or more saying the same thing , i get so irritated especially when it's related to work. sighs.

its day one of my year end annual leave and i am like damm bored at home, thankfully i am going for a short getaway this coming friday morning till the monday :) and i will be with baby , so yeahh double happyness :) lets hope the weather's goood :) heeee we bought water toy camera :) so can take peeks at sunway :)) yay !

christmas is coming :) its my second christmas with the boy :) this year will be fabulous cause dinner with my family :) yay!

i cant wait for friday :) time for reflections .i think last year this were my resolutions :

 wanna lose weight , like really lose weight
eat lesser buffets with the boyfriend :)
be less stressed about work
shop less, save more ( i am already working on it )
pack my room (its in sucha mess now )
continue my carebear collection
love the boyfriend more each day
be less spoilt
perharps get into uni, and get a degree either in nursing or econs& finance
be a better nurse

i think i really lost weight thanks to not frequent meals due to workload at work , i am now back to 48kg .we ate lesser buffets i think but of course we still have our monthly treats :) i think i am less stressed about work now , sighs ought to luh since i have junior nurses under my care. i shopped still but i am saving :) i packed my room now and then :) i continued my carebear collection , its at 12 now i think or even more , of course i love my boyfriend more each day so much so we are planning on getting hitched prolly next year or the year after next :) am i less spoilt ?hahaha no iidea about that but i am studying a part time degree now and i am improving to be a better nurse still :)

bb just webcammed with me :) heeeee so so cute .

lets seee :) what have i been up to ,my hair is finally growing , so wierd when i cut it short , it grows so so slowly , but when its long and fluffy and thick , it grows so fast :( rawrr wierd hair i have. anyhows baby's complaining i havent been blogging but my life not much difference what, nothing to blog about.

yay 17 december's coming :) holiday out of singapore , mini getaway :)) i feel like going tanning, maybe tomorrow i shall wake up early and hop over to safra to tann alittle, i feel so fair now m so unlike me and my stupid baby is always growing tanner :( how can. anyhows i am quite screwed for my research paper :( sighs i think gotta take e supp paper :( arghh.

gonna meet bb later :)

ages since i blogged, and since i got a abit of time before lunch and going work, shall do so now. everything's great i guess just that work gets abit too tiring these days and this applies for all the shifts, okay maybe not so for the night shift :(just last week i went home at 1030pm in the afternoon and i still had pending things to do , sighs getting so hard to be a nurse these days :( but happy thing is i get to destress when i meet my baby after work :) been showering me with lots of love and support and indeed getting a good boyfriend is like getting a good bra with support :) i know you want to hear this,here you are thanks baby,i know i can be a real irritant at times for answering back at you though i know i am in e wrong , but i dont mean it okay :) heee i am not dumb dumb and i am trying to be smarter already :) i love you and we will work out our plans :) cant wait for december trip with you :)

lets hope work gets better cause i am on afternoon for the next 2 days :( fml .

and my buys hasnt reached singapore yet :( argh

i feel fustrated now , just celebrated turning 23rd , didnt really felt much like a birthday,i guess as you grow older, you just dont really feel the mood of birthdays ,this week's annual leave week,now i kinda regret putting my 1 week al slot this week , sighs :( uni course starts next week , lets hope i can cope well.

oh ya there's a new addition to the carebear family. my birthday present from the boyfriend m a limited edition funshine bear in costume :)

lets see, its time for night shift againn, this time round its 3 nights :( sighs i am not really looking forward to it being reason number one , its the time of the month again, so i m feeling very cranky and moody .sighs a little bit of upsetness gets to me in a big way .argh .anyhows i just updated my mp3 player , like finally . baby's busy working now preparing for SYOG deployment and all ,so he's stressed too, so when 2 stressed persons comes together, it gets upsetting . sighs ,last night was one fine example. lets hope my nights are goood and we are goood.

i am gonna nap now :) feeling headachy and irritated .

oh ya there's a new collection to our carebears :) thanks baby and he gave me his chao chao :) heeee

lets see how long has it beem since i updated, LOL i also cant remember when was the last time i updated :( work's back to being stressful againn :)

sissy's wedding was yesterday,baby came over to help out :) anyhows i just woke up from a horrible silly nightmare that got me in tears, when i woke up i was crying :( sighs i am scared.

feels like the longest night ever, not that i slept much anyway. i really could do with a hugg now especially from someone that i really want, but i know i wont be getting it anyway or will i even be getting huggs from now on, everything seems to be falling apart. i am so tired .

lets see, at this time i am supposed to be preparing to pass report but here i am at home dressed up in my hello kitty PJ's waiting to sleep and eat my medication. sighs anyhows i finally decided to do something about my stupid stomach cramps and pain on and off, got it checked at the hospital A&E cause last night it got so bad i tossed and turned and only slept at 5am :( i lead a sad life really , anyhows primary diagnosis is acute gastritis and duodenitis , but got to go back for a follow up appt with GS in 3 weeks time whereby they will schedule for me to go for an outpt OGD :( oh gooodness got to go under sedation i heard, scary :(
anyhows my dear boy accompanied me throughout e whole ordeal and the dr was nice thankfully maybe except for the fact she took my blood using syringe and needle and omg i swear butterfly so much better luh.grrrr :( after that daddy came and brought me home, slept at home the entire day :) yayness, feels so good resting.

thankfully acute gastritis is nothing serious i think. and oh ya did i mention i saw someone familiar at a&E , oh wells its all in the past now :) i got my baby now thats all that mattters :)

dearest boy :) thanks for accompanying ur sick girlfriend today,although it was quite early but u still made ur way down and bought food for me . i love you .

okays i am freee now so decided to blog, waiting for mama to cook lunch and then later on work .
anyhows work has been pretty alright considering the fact i was 2nd senior for 2 rooms 2 times in a day, and i swear work can really make you lose weight . lol i am back to being 48kg :) *skipsard , but my baby still thinks i am fattt, *rawrrrr sucha meanie.anyhows i am considering moving blog again .

so yesterday after i think 2 or 3 months , we went and see kayden, poor boy was sick,so wasnt really his active self and i swear kids grow up so damm fast :) ahaha so adorable. then baby and i went to wendy's :) their baked potato is yummmy ,i love eating :) nom nom !then took long bus ride back home and as usual long bus rides are <3

love = you :)
hands interlocked together talking about our future and our plans :)
i love you baby!

baby just went out of the house to meet some seller to handle some stuff ,so yeah i am alone now. so yesterday was baby's birthday. how fast time flies ,its been a year since i first met his family, his clique of friends, stayed over at e chalet with him and his pals, yesterday we celebrated by going karaoke :) and i treated him waraku !heee simple and nice and we had carls junior , anyway i think my boyfriend looks reallly adorable when he sings, dont care weather he's out of tune/pitch, but his actions can really make me smile :) so last 2 days spent with him was reallly fun and on a happier note my online retail therapy buys arrived :) hahaha whoever invented blogshops really deserves a reward :)

anyhows i am alone now so when i am alone i end up thinking alot,anyway i am alright no worries :) just praying my uni application goes through.part of me wants to reside in nursing yet another part doesnt want to,

and my hair's finally growing :)

and to my dear boyfriend , thanks for everything. although u can be the meanest thing on earth at times for calling me all kinds of wierd names ,but at the end of the day ur still my happypill , te-amo :) you me, just us two !